Monday, March 15, 2010

2 Jobs, 1 City (Dedicated to PBC)


My good friend from college just asked me, "Is living in the city really worth 2 jobs??" Wow. This was the first time any one actually asked me that question. I just started another cocktailing job, making this waitressing job number 4 since moving to The Big Apple a little over a year ago. After my last serving job that I worked at the same time as my corporate job, I swore I would never go back. I was done with the Jersey Shore cast look-a-likes ordering Jager Bombs, and the bitchy customers demanding their food, and 'why is it taking so long?', and 'this drink isn't strong enough', and 'this is cold', and 'where is my side of blah blah blah???' Shut up. Stop talking to me like I'm an unintelligent 5 year old or that I am a piece of meat. I am a college graduate in a horrible economy, you piece of shit. Well, I'm back. Back in the service industry AGAIN after I swore I would never be back. But, what am I supposed to do when my rent devours 2/3 of my paycheck. So I can either eat away at savings, not eat, not go out, not have any fun, or I can temporarily get a second job. Goodbye weekends, you were fun while you lasted. We had some good times together...drinks, some greasy food, a few laughs, sometimes some tears; but overall, we were good friends, and I cherished our time together. I shall miss you on our hiatus, but I'm sure you understand. Back to working til 4am, and seeing other people enjoy your boisterous personality.

But this still doesn't answer my friend's question: is this city really worth it? New York, are you worth it? Are you worth ridiculous rent (considering I am too stubborn to live outside of lower Manhattan), and $12 sandwiches, and $15 cocktails, and $700 shoes (one day) and overpriced everything? I feel like I've won the lottery when I can get a glass of wine for less than $10 and eagerly await Wednesdays so I can get free office lunch. I won't go to the movies because they cost at least $14, and I'd rather have that overpriced sandwich. My gym membership is costing me a kidney, and I don't even have internet or cable, let alone a TV, because the bills would be too expensive. Oh yeah, did we forget that I am working every Friday and Saturday night til 4 or 5 in the morning after working all week??

But you know what I do have in this city? Cabs on every corner. 4 subway lines at one end of my street, and 5 on the other, which all connect to a million more lines. The ability to get anywhere in the city without having to worry about parking, or gas, or who is going to drive, or how am I going to get home. Hungry? Because I can get any type of food delivered to my door in 30 minutes: sushi, pad thai, burritos, a fresh salad, Moroccan...you name it, it's there. Groceries, oh weird you mentioned that, because yes, that can be brought to my front door as well. Yes, even alcohol is carried straight up to your open (paying) arms. My gym isn't a drive or bike ride away, it's about 200 steps, as is Starbucks, and that necessary market, and Pinkberry, and that really cute clothing shop that I just keep spending money at by mistake. I'm a train ride away from Central Park, amazing museums, and I can see the Statue of Liberty when I run along the Hudson River. My friends and family that are here are so close it is unbelievable, and I can always find something to do any night of the week.

Thus my dear friend, as tax time gets closer and closer, and I have to fill out four W-2 forms from all these jobs, I ask myself once again, is New York worth it? And the answer is yes, yes it definitely is. So now my question for you is: when are you moving out here?

Friday, February 5, 2010

Valentine's Day


As February begins, the pinks and reds start to blossom in every Duane Reade and flower shop. Even Whole Foods is attempting to convince us that their overpriced tulips are worth that extra $12, because they are organically good for your heart or some shit. The only part I like about Valentine's Day is the chocolate, if I am lucky enough to get any. Somehow, each year, I usually end up stealing from my friend's boxes of Godiva or See's. Whatever, getting presents is overrated anyways... As this 'holiday' rolls in closer, it seems that Cupid is chillin' at every corner, finding a way for you to tell that 'special someone' how much you love them. Now, you can even wipe your ass with love.

The description on the website states: "Is there a better way to say 'I Love You From Top To Bottom?' " No, I am not shitting you (pun intended), that is the direct quote. The sad thing is, I would probably prefer to get the toilet paper over a box of chocolates or bouquet of roses. I mean, the extra toilet paper is definitely more necessary than some dying flowers or fattening chocolates. There would be nothing better than having that extra roll of "I Love You" waiting for me when, once again, I forgot to buy another roll of that precious paper. Instead of sitting there stumped on what can suffice as decent TP (I don't think I needed that receipt anyways...), I can just grab my roll o' love and be carefree! Now that's amore!

Although Saint Valentine's Day is supposed to be the day you express your love to your honey-bunches-of-oats schnookums or that guy you have been stalking in the dining commons, some nasty little presents have emerged on the V-Day market. I am going to blame all this anti-valentine's day buzz on Twilight. Thanks to Edward (and to some wacked out souls, Jacob), women of all ages (and some men) don't need to pray to these divinities of love because they now have their dream man waiting for them. I mean seriously, can't anyone understand that I am patiently waiting for Edward, the love of my life, to come and literally sweep me off my feet!? I mean sure there will be some issues...him wanting to suck my blood and my hot buff werewolf friend that is so totally in love with me, but we will work it out. No woman is alone now because she has Twilight, and dammit, it's real.... Therefore, Cupid or Aphrodite or one of these love addicts didn't get all the attention they have been getting in previous years, which is shown through the creation of Dirty Rotten Flowers. This fantabulously little chic website enables anyone to send their unloved one decomposing flowers or decapitated roses. What a thoughtful and caring way to say "Fuck You" on the day of love. Now only if I had my exboyfriend's address...